Bob H's Story, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.) Sufferer, UK

Living with ME/ Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is like playing the lottery every day. Very rarely do you win.

I have suffered with ME for last 12 years. Up until the problems first started I had a thriving accountancy practice and had a good lifestyle with all the usual trappings. Nice home and family - things couldn't be better.

I have subsequently ended up with Chronic Depression, of which I am now seeing a clinical psycologist. She is very helpful.

I battled with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (M.E.) for about 5 years and even in that time I opened a residential care home. I constantly fought against it. But by mid '98 I eventually had to put my hands up:

The M.E. and the depression on top finally took its toll.

I closed the home and since have drifted in oblivion on state benefits. What a culture shock, for me! But more so for my family, that I had provided so well for for all those years.

I am still very angry and frustrated. But I am beginning to realise that what has gone on in the past is just that - its the past. And I have to move on and work within my limitations.

What people around you, and close to you don't seem to realise is that your self worth / self-confidence / self-respect has been shot to bits. It's a daunting task to try and rebuild it again with a flat battery energy level. Its so easy to say keep positive. But you have to, otherwise it will grind you down to unthinkable levels - and I've been there too.

All you can do in my opinion is to keep looking for something that you can do career-wise to give you back something that you once had your self-respect/ self-image that you were happy with.

I have been looking at starting to write - self publishing - but you know what the biggest stumbling block is? To find something that I am passionate about. The last 12 years of my lfe have destroyed that. But you know, I keep saying to myself that it's all happened for a reason and my true voctaion will show its hand eventually - I'm now here to wait for it to arrive.

Thank you Bob H, for sharing your story with us.

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